Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Little Frustrations of Failure . . .

I made a mistake today. Not so much a mistake, as a miscalculation. One of many that my life now consists of.

Since this is the last week of school before Christmas, and since we just finished our unit on Shakespeare, I decided to take a break from our usual itinerary, and read Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol in my 12th grade English class.

That was not the mistake.

The mistake was assigning the first stave (or "chapter") for them to read at home last night. I didn't think we could complete the story at school, since we only have three class-periods left before break, so I figured we'd read half at school (with hot chocolate, goodies, and hats), and half at home.

This was probably a reasonable assumption. However, the first stave is, in many ways, the most important. It is the chapter that establishes Scrooge's character, and builds a foundation for all that comes next. Without it, there is really nothing spectacular about this story of transformation and redemption. It is just a random fantasy about ghosts and memories and Christmas.

If it were necessary to have the students read at home every night, to stay on track, I would feel justified in my decision. But we are now ahead of schedule, and I regret my failure to consider the implication of assigning THAT chapter, and the possibility that students would not read it.

The reason I post this here is simply that it serves as a great example of what my last three and a half months of teaching have been like. A million tiny miscalculations grinding against my desire for excellence and natural tendency towards perfectionism. And I am torn between giving in to the frustration and declaring that this is clearly NOT the vocation for me, or allowing my competitive side to take hold, and continuing on simply to prove that I AM capable of doing better than this.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Hampton Court Palace

Another post discovered in my draft folder. I'm sure I was waiting to write more details on this one. Suffice it to say, it was as awesome as it looks.

We watched A Man for all Seasons in preparation for the field-trip -- opening doors into the life of Henry VIII, Thomas Wolsey, and the scandal surrounding the palace.




Oh for the glory of Oxford days and English nights . . .

I try to avoid remembering too often, because it is all-together too strange that I am here, when just so recently I was there [a true statement when I wrote this -- now it's been almost a year].

Rebekah Giffone's ode to Hampton Court Palace, where we spent a glorious Thursday field-trip (led by Jonathan Kirkpatrick), during week2 of British Landscapes.

The Ghost of Hampton Court
Dec. 9, 2008

There were no ghosts at Hampton Court,
When I went there in the Fall,
No spectres graced the pathways,
No spirits walked the halls

The wind that blew was windy,
The air was normal air,
No longing gripped my being,
I sat and shuddered there

I was the ghost at Hampton Court,
That harshish Autumn noon,
Treading wraith-like in the gardens,
And undead through the rooms

The golden ache refused to burn,
No beauty pierced my mind,
No ghost returned to haunt me -
I thought myself unblind

"At last I shall see clearly,
the fancies stripped away,
the Past devoid of feeling,
It cannot see decay."

Lies, insidious lies!
Dear daughter, don't you see?
That in the ghosts of Yesteryears
the Present wakes to thee?

Until you meet them face to face,
These spectres keep you chained -
Let the legions haunt you,
I pray you: feel the pain

For spectres live through death,
In your death, they have their being,
You fill their weightless bodies,
And set their sockets seeing

But let a spirit haunt you,
And you rob it of its breath,
Declare yourself the living,
And the dead remain in death

***

There were no ghosts at Hampton Court,
When I went there in the Fall,
No spectres graced the pathways,
No spirits walked the halls

Yet now the day is closing,
The night is falling fast,
My heart begins its yearning,
for spirits of the past

The wind that blows is windy,
The air is normal air,
Yet longing grips my being,
I sit and crumble there

The golden ache begins to burn
These beauties pierce my soul,
A heavy peace now haunts me -
In the voidness, I am whole.

Until I meet You face to face,
These spectres keep me chained,
Yet in Your haunting Presence,
All questions die away

Your Spirit is the answer,
To bereft and bloodless minds -
Your beauty cuts me deeply:
I know I am alive

-Rebekah Giffone

PNG itinerary

I found this in my draft folder. No idea why I never posted it (I guess it wasn't finished?). It's a detailed walk-through of our PNG trip. Reading it over brought back lots of memories. =)

Our itinerary, in brief:

May 4 -- meet at GFU (Rick met us in the Bauman parking lot to say goodbye), drive to PDX, fly from PDX to LAX, dinner in LAX (Chiles), fly to Brisbane over the Pacific Ocean and across the equator, skipping May 5 in the process (an empty flight with extra seats, so I slept almost all the way, only watching one movie [The Curious Case of Benjamin Button] on my individual screen).

[one of our many airport stops]

May 5 -- disappears into oblivion

May 6 -- a day in Brisbane. Take the train into the city, store our bags at a Lutheran Church, and go to Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. Pet kangaroos, hold koalas, and take a boat back on the river. Split up and spend the night with host families (me with Jordan) who shower us with a confusing mix of love and racism.

[hanging out with kangaroos]

May 7 -- fly to Port Moresby, PNG. Todd Luedtke (Rhett's dad) meets us at the airport, as does the first wave of heat. Settle into our guesthouse, and take a ride about town. Houses on stilts (including an entire village built on the water), and everything open to let in the air (what little there is) -- open churches with no walls (as all churches should be . . .) and houses with slatted windows.

May 8 -- rehearse "The Weave," which is still not finished, and drive to the airport by PMV (passenger motor-vehicle? -- an open pickup truck), via the parliament building. Fly to Lae, which will be our home for the next week (and our emotional home for much longer). Jacob Luke picks us up at the airport in the Mapai van, and we stop at Big Rooster for lunch (drive through). The heat is a new level of intense, and the vegetation is a new level of lush. Settle in to the three-room seminary house we'll be staying in, with no walls (everything slatted, including interior walls, to let in the air), one shower, one toilet, one fan (for all intents and purposes), and rain water to drink and wash in. Take a walkabout and see where Rhett grew up.

[hanging out in our home at Martin Luther Seminary in Lae]

May 9 -- a morning theatre workshop with the seminary students. Experience the pieces they've prepared for us (and their love for cassowaries), and perform "Hello," "The Weave," and the myth portion of "Midas." Break into groups and begin to talk about myths that can become staged stories. Then invited to a baby naming ceremony. A huge feast prepared (including an entire pig), and the "Apostles' Creed" as our gift -- our prayer of blessing upon this child's life. Playing with children, listening to them sing in the chapel, and learning hand games in broken English.

[playing handgames with the children]

May 10 -- a church service in English, in one of the first enclosed buildings we've been in. A traditional song while bringing gifts to the alter -- gifts that include vegetables as well as money. "The Creed" performed, again, as our gift. Great joy when Cindy speaks, not in Latin, or English, or sign language, or Arabic, but Pidgin, and Nicole's voice defies language itself. Then rehearsing "American Midas" for three hours -- preparing it for the round -- and presenting it in Chapel that night.

May 11 -- working with the communication class, and an afternoon trip to the market. Bought PNG skirts. Washed our hair in a dripela ren (massive rain storm).

[with our newly purchased PNG skirts]

May 12 -- listened to an Engan storyteller with our eyes closed, so he wouldn't turn white. Rehearsed with our communication group in the afternoon (swealteringly hot), and then again with the drama class in the evening.

May 13 -- morning communication rehearsal, and left exhausted and drenched for the rest of the day. Afternoon rehearsal with the drama class. The women brought amazing props that they had made by hand, on their own initiative. A swealtering performance at Lae Tech, with worship in Pidgin, and then "Hello," "The Weave," "The Creed," and part of "Midas." Amazing conversations with the students afterward.

May 14 -- performing with the seminary students for the whole community, after more morning rehearsals. Six groups in all. Our drama group (Stephen, Whitney, and I) telling an adapted myth about brothers turned to cassowaries, and rescued by a brother-redeemer who never stopped searching for his siblings. In the end, he burns the magician's house to the ground, with the magician trapped inside (a slightly disturbing vision of Jesus). Our communication group (Cindy, Stephen, Emily, and I) telling the story of a witchdoctor, an evil spirit, and the power of the Light. As the evil spirit, who was constantly leaping on tables, crouching, and twirling about, I was exhausted, and completely drenched, once the story was over.

[as the evil spirit, taking up my residence in the house]

May 15 -- for our safety, two seminary students drove with us to Ukarumpa (or "Little America") and rode back on the bus. Staying with host families in groups of two -- Emily and I together.

[creating pictures of redemption with the Ukarumpa high schoolers]

May 16 -- morning workshop with the 7th-12th grade MKs. Creating pictures of their community, and the redemption that even Ukarumpa needs. Going to a drop in center, for PNG children and youth, in the afternoon. Performing, and creating more pictures. Emily able to talk with two deaf boys.

[performing "The Weave" at the drop-in center]

May 17 -- church at Ukarumpa. All English and all white. Rehearsing "American Midas" in the afternoon (readjusting to a stage), and performing for the youth worship in the evening.

May 18 -- early trip to the Ukarumpa market, and creative dramatics with the elementary school students (every grade) after performing in their morning chapel. Brief meeting with the 8th grade drama class, talking about theatre, and working on vocalization. Relaxation with Sister Act 2 in the evening, and our nightly debrief with Tim Tams.

May 19 -- afternoon performance at Iyura National High School. We performed all of the pieces in their entirety for the first time. An hour of performing, then two hours spent talking to students. One girl took her bilum off her shoulder and gave it to me -- it had taken her over a month to make.

[one of our many performances of "The Creed"]

May 20 -- another early trip to the Ukarumpa market, then driving to Garoka, the Round Round Theatre, and NPAT.

May 21 -- a trip into a village, a traditional mumu (a feast with a butchered pig), and a bilasim skin ritual (dressing up in the traditional feathers and art).

[Whitney and I in our traditional headdresses -- they weighed a ton and were made of beetle shell, Bird of Paradise feathers, etc.]

May 22 -- a trip to a different village, to perform and watch NPAT in an open market place. Then performing "The Weave" in the Round Round Theatre, at a variety show.

[preparing to perform at the Round-Round]

May 23 -- driving back down from the Highlands to Lae, and the heat of the sea. Back home at Martin Luther Seminary.

May 24 -- our day of relaxation. A yacht sailed to Salimoa, which once was Lae. Snorkeling in the blue-green ocean, dolphins accompanying our boat, and a walk up the luscious mountain, with butterflies and anti-aircraft weaponry from WWII. Dinner at the yacht club as Jacob Luke's guests, and meeting his beautiful wife, who gave me her own necklace and earrings.

[our group on Salimoa]

May 25 -- flying from Lae to Port Moresby, and from Port Moresby to Brisbane. A night at the church that hosted us on our way in. A potluck dinner, sharing pictures from our trip, a midnight Tim Tam buying run, and sleeping on mattresses on the church floor.

[Cyndi, Jessie and I with our Tim Tams -- I bought two packages,
they each bought more like 20]

May 26 -- flying from Brisbane to Sydney, from Sydney to LAX, and from LAX to PDX. Saying goodbye in the airport. Taking the shuttle to Corvallis. A day that stretched on forever.

The Greater Trumps

I am reading Williams again, and, like fire, he is pulsing in my blood. May we all "rise to adore the mystery of love" (108).
There had come into her life with the mystery of the Tarots a new sense of delighted amazement; the Tarots themselves were not more marvelous than the ordinary people she had so long unintelligently known. By the slightest vibration of the light in which she saw the world she saw it all differently; holy and beautiful, if sometimes perplexing and bewildering, went the figures of her knowledge [. . .] and she too, in a dance that was happy if it was frightening. Nothing was certain, but everything was safe--that was part of the mystery of Love. She was upon a mission, but whether she succeeded or not didn't matter. Nothing mattered beyond the full moment in which she could live to her utmost in the power and according to the laws of the dance. (191)
"By the slightest vibration of the light in which she saw the world she saw it differently . . . holy and beautiful" -- this reminds me of Lewis and Tolkien's argument for the power of fantasy: we see the world transformed into the mystery it truly is.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Mumu Pictures

Some pictures of the pig slaughter. The worst was hearing it beaten to death. And the small puppy crying in the background.


Bilasim Skin

The old women, singing wedding/courting songs, putting leaves in our hair, and laughing. The woman in the green wig (nicknamed Australia by her friends, in honor of her 'blond' hair and quirky personality [they informed us that Australians are weird]) stole me away shortly after, taking me to her hut, and stripping me for the bilasim skin ceremony. She later gave me a bilum (a 'purse' of sorts, handmade without tools, and worn by everyone -- men, women, and children), and told me that I was now her daughter.

Driving to the Mumu

Our drive to the village in Goroka, where we had a mumu and a 'bilasim skin' ceremony (which involved traditional headdresses, and very little clothing). We left our van in the city of Goroka, because the 'road' was impassable for most vehicles. But driving in the back of a pick-up truck is so much more fun anyway. =)

The Mumu

A village in Goroka, preparing for a 'mumu' (feast of pig and sweet potato), while we take a moment and rest in the shade.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Reading List [so far this summer]

Summer Reading (thus far):

By Robin McKinley (one of Amberle's favorite authors; a fairytale/fantasy writer):
The Hero and the Crown and The Blue Sword -- prequel/sequel; I can't decide which one I like better, but both are good; the world, in The Blue Sword, is a bit Bedouin; The Hero and the Crown is closer to mythical Britain.
The Outlaws of Sherwood -- too broad in scope, but Cecil[y] and Little John make me smile.
Deerskin -- very good; the magic frustrates me at times (it seems a bit of an easy out), but I like the themes; it's tied up in my memories of PNG, since I was reading it in Lae, and as we were driving over the mountain pass into the highlands.
The Door in the Hedge -- decent short stories, though I'm not a huge short story lover.
Rose Daughter -- quite good; her original Beauty and the Beast (Beauty) I read as a kid, but I don't remember it well; she wrote this one twenty years later.

Susan Fletcher's Flight of the Dragon Kyn -- it's set in Kragland, a type of mythical Scandinavia, so it's the right setting for dragons; but not my favorite.

Mary Stewart's The Gabriel Hounds -- her Merlin books (The Crystal Cave, The Hollow Hills, and The Last Enchantment) are some of my favorite books ever; I've never read anything else by her, so I was shocked to discover she's also a romance-mystery writer; this book was set in Lebanon, and a fun read.

Elie Wiesel's Night -- powerful, anguishing.

Essays Presented to Charles Williams [Preface by C.S. Lewis; On Fairy Stories by J.R.R. Tolkien; A Note on the Divine Comedy by Dorothy L. Sayers] -- marvelous.

Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn -- awful, but I needed to finish the series; makes me wonder if the rest were this bad and I just didn't notice?

Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca -- have wanted to read FOREVER, since so many people love it; I enjoyed it; a Jane Eyre of sorts, with beautiful understatement, and the compelling ache of fairytales lost.

C.S. Lewis's Of This and Other Worlds -- still working on this one, but loving it so far.

Elizabeth Peters (as read by Barbara Rosenblatt, and listened to as we travel in the van):
The Last Camel Died at Noon -- I enjoyed this; young Ramses is definitely something, and his first sight of Nephret . . . [chuckles].
Guardian of the Horizon -- not one of my favorites [Nephret's a non-entity, Ramses decides he's "in love" with a random female, and the book is written out of sequence (but Daoud is awesome)], and this is our second time through; so I'm half listening.

Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth -- not quite finished yet, but, as USA Today states, "stunning"; she's an incredible short story writer; also author of The Namesake (which I read for my modern novel class) and Interpreter of Maladies (her first book, which won her the Pulitzer Prize).

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Essays Presented to Charles Williams

". . . nearly always on Thursday evenings in my rooms and on Tuesday mornings in the best of all public-houses for draught cider, whose name it would be madness to reveal."
-C.S. Lewis, preface to Essays Presented to Charles Williams, viii-ix

"He was ready to accept as a revealed doctrine the proposition that existence is good: but added that it would never have occurred to him, unaided, to suspect this. . . It is one of the many paradoxes in Williams that while no man's conversation was less gloomy in tone--it was, indeed, a continual flow of gaiety, enthusiasm, and high spirits--no man at times said darker things. . . . But that was only one side of him. This scepticism and pessimism were the expression of his feelings. High above them, overarching them like a sky, were the things he believed, and they were wholly optimistic. They did not negate his feelings: they mocked them."
-Lewis, preface, xii-xiii

"No event has so corroborated my faith in the next world as Williams did simply by dying. When the idea of death and the idea of Williams thus met in my mind, it was the idea of death that was changed."
-Lewis, preface, xiv

"Creative fantasy . . . may open your hoard and let all the locked things fly away like caged birds. The gems all turn into flowers or flames, and you will be warned that all you had (or knew) was dangerous and potent, not really effectively chained, free and wild; no more yours than they were you."
-J.R.R. Tolkien, "On Fairy-Stories" from Essays Presented to Charles Williams, 75

Thursday, May 28, 2009

MAPAI GIRLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS!

In the Mapai van, provided by Jacob Luke (one of Todd's past students, now one of the richest men in PNG, and our constant benefactor). As we drove by, children would run down from the hills crying, "MAPAI!" and sometimes, "MAPAI . . . GIRLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" We grew increadibly attached to the whole experience. This is a bit of our drive up to Ukarumpa (in the highlands) from Lae (on the coast). The landscape was beautiful.



There were several reasons Mapai was such a big deal (and such an answer to prayer). There is still fairly little travel done in PNG, as the roads are quite difficult. Jacob Luke runs one of the biggest transportation companies (transporting goods in huge trucks -- getting highland produce to the coast to be shipped). This can be troubling business, as PNG roads are not always safe, and owning a national company, Jacob can't get the insurance his foreign competitors can. Therefore, his insurance is having each truck "adopt" a town along its route, and basically provide for those families. Villagers know which truck is theirs, and respect all of Jacob's property because it belongs to a generous man who uses his wealth to benefit others (PNGers tend to despise wealth if it's not shared). Therefore, Jacob's name, through his company and his generosity, provided protection as well as transportation.

(the Mapai van, and us -- driving to the airport on our last morning [5:30 AM] in PNG)

PNG to Corvallis in 12 hours . . . or so

I am back in the Northern Hemisphere. Back in America. Back in Oregon.

Gigi picked me up from the Corvallis shuttle at 7:00 pm last night. A strange time warp: for PNG (our time) it was noon on Wednesday. And yet, here in Oregon, it was only 14 hours after we had started the trip, at 5:00 am on Tuesday.

We went to the Farmer's Market today, and I was struck by the otherworldliness. The pristine tables, street, and sidewalk, all the food neatly arranged on tall tables (away from the dirt, animals, and bugs), colors vivid, air cool, everyone smelling of freshness and flowers (if they smell at all). And it isn't that I mind the cleanliness (who would?), but I don't mind the other world either: the mats on the mud, the small piles of roots and fruit, dirt still clinging to their skin, dirty water poured over to keep everything fresh, insects buzzing, people crowding, smells wafting. Todd announced at one point, driving by a downtown market, that this would be our moment of intensest culture shock. But all I felt was a deep sense of rightness, of being home. Is it strange that part of me likes the smell? The stench of sweat reminding me that we are all human and alive, vulnerable in our bodies, created of tissue and tendons, beautiful, breakable, and salty. We, who are the pristine "ghost people" (and often forget that bodies ever naturally had a smell), try to remove all traces of dirt from our midst, unless it has been first cleansed and sterilized. Treated with antiseptic and bleach.

And I am not sure how to fathom this coexistence: PNG and America (or Western Civilization, if you will), not only in the same universe, but on the same planet. They seem to be mutually exclusive states of being, yet I have walked the roads of both, and my memories, emotions, and longings are entwined (perhaps as strongly) with the stained-glass of Notre Dame as the hot dust of Lae's dirty streets. I have always felt off-kilter by this dual-belonging, unsure of where I fit, or how I can mold myself to either. Yet, transitioning from the heat of Lae, to the cool mornings of PNG's "Little America" (Ukarumpa), I realized what I've always known: I grow accustomed to the comfort, but I thrive in the simplicity.

Life, intense and bare and real (with all its smell and dirt), is a living thing, heavy with peace.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Papua New Guinea is Coming Soon

In less than two weeks, I graduate. Two days after that, I fly across the globe. And by "across the globe," I mean further than I have ever been before. I am going to Papua New Guinea (via a layover in Australia) to spend three weeks with eight theatre students, sharing stories with the people we meet.

I'm not really planning on blogging about the experience that much (for one thing, internet will be scarce, and I seem incapable of writing about things in retrospect). However, one of my fellow travelers, fellow writing/lit majors, and fellow ARC consultants, Sara Kelm (she was also my stage manager sophomore year), will be writing about the time extensively (she's been awarded a Richter's Scholarship to do travel-writing, and such). So I'm going to send you to her site, unabashedly: Sara is Going to Papua New Guinea.

Here is her introduction to our fellow adventurers [my comments are added in brackets]:

Cast of Characters
Just so you know who I'm talking about when I talk about people:

George Fox: the guy our school is named after; mostly I'll use it to refer to the university (also I may use GFU or Fox).

Rhett: director, professor, genius. He lived in PNG as a little boy while his parents were missionaries. This is his first time back in 20 years. I worked with Rhett on the last mainstage production at GFU. Thinker, mastermind, time-oriented, mildly sarcastic. [My director for As It Is In Heaven last spring. Also my professor for Acting I, Acting II (which I'm currently taking), and Acting IV (a Shakespeare acting class). He is an amazingly compassionate person, and a great teacher. He's also an amazing director, and probably the reason Fox's theatre department is so good].

Jere: executive assistant to the Vice President of Student Life at Fox. She lived in PNG about 15 years ago for a few years with her family. I work with her in the Student Life office, and she is a hoot. Loud, blonde, endlessly funny with a wicked humor and love for animals, travel, and cooking.

Todd: Rhett's dad and the reason we're able to go to PNG. He has quite a few contacts in PNG, and he's there right now, teaching. He's also an adjunct theatre professor at Fox. He loves PNG, loves Pigin, and loves to laugh. Intense like Rhett, he'll be a good help to us while we're there.

Jessie: roommate. Junior. Nursing major. [Acted with me in Moth].

Stephen: old friend. Senior. Spanish & Theatre double major. [Acted with me in Moth].

Nicole: close friend. Senior. Spanish & Theatre. [Acted with me in As It Is In Heaven].

Jordan: other token boy. Junior. Writing/Lit & Theatre. [Was our vocal coach for As It Is In Heaven. He taught us lots of great Shaker songs].

Emily: fellow stage manager. Sophomore. Spanish & Theatre.

Karith: fellow writing/lit friend. Senior. Writing/Literature.

Cyndi: lover of the Beatles. Junior. Spanish & Theatre. [Acted with me in As It Is In Heaven].

Whitney: sweet girl. Junior. Theatre. [Acted with me in As It Is In Heaven].

And me. Sara: who-knows-what-she's-doing-here. Junior and a half. Writing/Lit & Psychology. [As I already said, fellow writing/lit major and ARC consultant. She was my stage manager for Moth, and is currently taking an idependent study with me and another writing/lit friend].

Friday, April 3, 2009

NUCL and Mrs. Dalloway

One conference down, and two to go.

This Saturday I'll be reading "Feminine Consciousness, Community, and Isolation in Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway" (which should actually be "Mrs Richard Dalloway: the Tension of Feminine Consciousness," or something more like a title and less like a list) at the Northwest Undergraduate Conference for Literature in Portland (assuming we find a ride).

And since I know you're all so interested, here it is! =)

This was the first tutorial paper I wrote in Oxford. The style is pretty different than a thesis-driven American essay, so keep that in mind. Also, it's basically a rough draft since I had to do all the research, and all the writing, in less than a week (not something I'd ever attempted before). I'd love to have the time to completely rewrite it, because some of the ideas fascinate me, but I don't feel like they're expressed very well (or fully articulated) in this essay.

Anyway, this version has been tampered with (I had to rearrange a few of my sections), but hopefully it still flows alright.

Feminine Consciousness, Community, and Isolation in Virginia
Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway
© 2008 Karith Amel Magnuson

The world of Mrs. Dalloway is spilt between the forces of isolation and community. It is a book about the individual within society—a book about fragmentation and unity. At the story’s center is Clarissa Dalloway, and Clarissa Dalloway’s party. Clarissa, the society hostess, defines ‘life,’ that essence that she loves and lives for, in terms of bringing people together, solving the supreme mystery that is “simply this: here was one room; there another.” Asking herself what she truly means by this thing called ‘life,’ she expresses a desire “to go deeper…to combine, to create”: “Here was So-and-So in South Kensington; someone up in Bayswater; and somebody else, say, in Mayfair. And she felt what a pity; and she felt if only they could be brought together; so she did it.” It is her “offering,” her “gift,” and even Peter Walsh cannot help but come under her influence, despite his contempt for her social obsessions: “She seemed, having that gift still; to be; to exist; to sum it all up in the moment as she passed.” Her party, with which the book ends, is the culmination of this desire to assemble (bringing together characters from throughout the book and Clarissa’s past) but it is by no means its only manifestation.

Indeed, Clarissa seems to associate this same idea of ‘life’ with the city itself. For while the book ends with Clarissa’s party, it begins with her pushing open her front door and plunging into the swinging, jingling, trudging uproar that is the city. She is swept along, surrounded by automobiles and rushing, laughing, mourning humans—individuals who are brought together in chance meetings (such as that between Clarissa and Hugh in the park), mutual awe (like the rumor allowed to “accumulate in their veins” ), and puzzlement over flying advertisements. Throughout the book this theme is maintained—the city as a backdrop for union, the meeting of disparate souls. In Laura Marcus’ book, Virginia Woolf, Marcus argues that this use of city as “consciousness in motion” is typical of modernist authors. However, Marcus suggests that Woolf is unique in her exploration of “communication and circulation in the city”—presenting London, not as a wasteland of isolation, so much as a unifying of individual aspects of society and humanity. Indeed, it is within this larger context of the city that the true significance of Clarissa’s party can be seen. It is not simply to bring together her specific guests that Clarissa plays the enchanting hostess, but to become part of the larger unifying force that London symbolizes: “She, too, loving it as she did [life; London; this moment in June] with an absurd and faithful passion, being part of it...she, too, was going that very night to kindle and illuminate; to give her party.”

But against this physical backdrop of London, there is also the internal struggle for unification within Clarissa herself. It is the struggle for identity; the desire to bring together the different aspects of experience and emotion, and create a coherent whole. Upon looking at her face in the mirror, Clarissa purses her lips “to give her face point. That was her self – pointed; dartlike; definite. That was her self when some effort, some call on her to be her self, drew the parts together...different...incompatible...into one centre, one diamond, one woman who sat in her drawing-room and made a meeting-point, a radiancy.” She must assemble “that diamond shape, that single person” before she can return to the duties of the house. As Marcus explains, “Her identity fragmented, it has to be recollected, assembled, gathered together like the torn dress she intends to wear to her party that evening.”

This tension—this desire to unite disparate elements into a unified whole—is present in Clarissa’s constant memories of the past. Throughout the book, Clarissa is shadowed by her eighteen-year-old self: throwing open the French windows at Bourton, kissing Sally Seton, taking walks with Peter Walsh. The present is constantly filtered through previous experience—through events, relationships, and places. Peter remembers the younger Clarissa remarking, “She felt herself everywhere...she was all that. So that to know her, or anyone, one must seek out the people who completed them; even the places.” And as she walks through London, Clarissa ponders the connection she still has with Peter, “she being part, she was positive, of the trees at home; of the house there...being laid out like a mist between the people she knew best...it spread ever so far, her life, herself.” And this constant spreading, these connections that define and redefine Clarissa’s identity, this ability to simultaneously be eighteen and in her fifties (“she felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged” ), leads Clarissa to the conclusion that a person’s essence cannot be defined or captured: “She would not say of Peter, she would not say of herself, I am this, I am that.”

In The Experimental Self, Judy Little argues that the significance of this fractured identity is found in its role in the formation of a uniquely feminine consciousness. She proposes that women’s place on the outskirts of society has left them unsuccessfully socialized, and therefore capable of a subjective identity. They are forced to learn the language of a male-dominated social sphere, while also possessing their own language—the language of their mothers. This, Little states, allows women to be uniquely adaptable, able to migrate between different visions of reality and points of view. She suggests that this grants women an extreme relational tendency (unlike men who define themselves in opposition to the other), and quotes Patricia Waugh to state that women’s fiction “can be seen...as an attempt...to discover a collective concept of subjectivity which foregrounds the construction of identity in relationships.” Such an identity must, by nature, be extremely volatile, changing (or fragmenting) with the relationships that shape it, and Little goes on to state that, in Woolf’s novels, “self is a discourse...a means that facilitates the celebration of friendship and shared lives.”

However, there is another side to this feminine consciousness, and that, ironically, is self-chosen isolation—isolation used to withstand domination and preserve self, even at the cost of community. The suicide of Septimus Warren Smith, and Clarissa’s interpretation of his death, is perhaps the ultimate example of this practice. For Septimus, though not a woman, is certainly an outsider in society, so made by his traumatic experiences in the Great War and his inability to maintain “a sense of proportion.” Clarissa describes Septimus’ death, not as passive acquiescence (though she later cries out against the darkness), but as a self-chosen defiance—defiance, presumably, against men like Sir William Bradshaw, who “make life intolerable” by “forcing your soul.” This is consistent with Clarissa’s hatred of Miss Kilman, who desires, in Clarissa’s mind at least, to convert her, to destroy “the privacy of the soul.” And even when she speaks of the men she loves, of Peter and Richard, Clarissa seems wary to let them too close, or share too much intimacy: “There was a dignity in people; a solitude; even between husband and wife a gulf; and that one must respect, thought Clarissa, watching [Richard Dalloway] open the door; for one would not part with it oneself, or take it, against his will, from one’s husband, without losing one’s independence, one’s self-respect – something, after all, priceless.” She was right, she states, to not marry Peter, because he demanded that everything be shared, “everything gone into,” and “it was intolerable.”

This unease seems to represent, not a backlash against Clarissa’s original desires to combine and create, but a fear of domination. This is obviously true in the case of Miss Kilman and Sir William Bradshaw, but subtler when applied to Peter and Richard. Despite both men’s love for Clarissa (though Peter may deny being “in love” with her), there is a level at which, being female in a male-dominated society, she is very much in their power. This is especially true of Richard, because he is her husband, and even Peter comments that one of the tragedies of married life is that “with twice [Richard’s] wits, [Clarissa] had to see things through his eyes.” Furthermore, Clarissa, while walking in London, “had the oddest sense of being herself invisible; unseen; unknown; there being no more marrying, no more having of children now, but only this astonishing and rather solemn progress with the rest of them, up Bond Street, this being Mrs Dalloway; not even Clarissa any more; this being Mrs Richard Dalloway.” All the different fragments of Clarissa’s identity are swallowed up by that name.

However, there is another level at which isolation is beyond Clarissa’s control—not an attempt to maintain identity and withstand domination, but simply a frustration of her desire to cohere. For although an outsider’s status grants freedom to move between social spheres and perspectives, it ultimately prohibits full acceptance to any single portion of society. Thus, beneath the surface of Mrs. Dalloway flows a consistent current of discontent—of failed realization—as communion is sought, reached for, and lost. The moments of deepest separation seem to follow those of strongest union (or attempted union), for, if we are to believe Little’s account of feminine consciousness, that which drives Clarissa to pursue unity is ultimately what keeps her separate and apart.

Even in the midst of the ‘life’ that is London, Clarissa experiences moments of intense isolation: “She sliced like a knife through everything; at the same time was outside looking on. She had a perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone.” Directly following the contemplation of her own domestic bliss, Clarissa comes to the conclusion, “There was an emptiness about the heart of life; an attic room. Women must put off their rich apparel. At midday they must disrobe.” This last statement, though seemingly peculiar, is particularly significant. In the second to last chapter it is faintly echoed, when, in the midst of her party, Clarissa moves into a side room and finds herself suddenly alone. “There was nobody. The party’s splendour fell to the floor, so strange it was to come in alone in her finery.” Clarissa’s dress, representing her role as hostess and socialite, comes into stark contrast with the sudden emptiness and silence. For though it is her gift to assemble, to bring together, it seems that fragmentation can only be held off, delayed, not prevented. For, eventually, “women must put off their rich apparel,” or even if they do not, the darkness may prevail regardless. For even as Clarissa’s party takes hold, turning “into something now, not nothing,” Clarissa feels dissatisfied, “for though she loved it and felt it tingle and sting, still these semblances, these triumphs...had a hollowness.” And when she hears of Septimus’ death, she interprets it as “her disaster – her disgrace. It was her punishment to see sink and disappear here a man, there a woman, in this profound darkness, and she forced to stand here in her evening dress.”

And so, the struggle against alienation is lost. Septimus is dead, and the splendor of Clarissa’s party has fallen to the floor. “Closeness drew apart; rapture faded; one was alone.” But no. “She must go back. She must assemble.” “They went on living...they would grow old.” Woolf leaves us with no clear answers, only a continuing dance of isolation and community—of drawing together and falling apart. But perhaps that is as it should be. For Woolf sees identity as a dialogue and self as an experiment—they are not to be established, but explored. Through her novels, Woolf is presenting “the courageous view that human beings are ideologically mobile”—are capable of change. Identity, as Woolf presents it, is contradiction warring for coherence, and, Little suggests, being unwilling to explore the fragments, to know more than “the (one) truth or...just one self,” limits a person’s humanity, and the artist’s creative response. Perhaps reaching coherence—creating unity—is not as significant as the process, “making it up, building it round one, tumbling it, creating it every moment afresh.” The process that, according to Mrs. Dalloway, is life.

Bibliography
B. R. Daugherty and E. Barrett, ed., Virginia Woolf: texts and contexts (1996)
J. Little, The experimental self: dialogic subjectivity in Woolf, Pym, and Brooke-Rose (1996)
L. Marcus, Virginia Woolf, 2nd edn (2004)
V. Neverow-Turk and M. Hussey, ed., Virginia Woolf: themes and variations (1993)
V. Woolf, Mrs Dalloway (1996)

the Inkblots, in all our glory =)


(drinking our tea, a few Saturdays ago
[Kohleun had just spilled hot water on me, twice])

Monday, March 9, 2009

Snowstorms and hail, oh my!

It is currently snowing outside our front door. But the sun is also shinning. Simultaneously.

The weather has been so odd lately. It has snowed more since I got back from Oxford/Jordan than any other winter I've been in Oregon (and that's discounting the huge blizzard they had at the end of last semester).

I was just at the coast for the weekend, where the weather was alternating between sunshine, massive hailstorms, and snow. Very beautiful, but just so odd.

However, I'll happily take this weather over rain . . . at least for a while.

(the apartments across from ours -- you can't tell in the picture, but snow was in the process of falling)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

My slightly heretical view of Lewis and salvation, at my father's request . . .

Well Baba, here it is. I haven't looked at it in a while, and didn't have a chance to edit before submitting it, so I'm sure there are lots of things that need to be tweaked. For instance, glancing over the first paragraph just now, I'm realizing that I need to rewrite the entire way I refer to God . . . (especially given my last post =).

I wouldn't say this is my best work; I remember being very unhappy with it when I wrote it (over spring break at Megan's house), but it seemed to fit the conference theme better than anything else I had.

If you have any suggestions, or notice other issues, let me know.

C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia, and the Issue of Religious Inclusivism
© 2007 Karith Magnuson

God the Father, who is deep and sacrificial love, sent His one and only Son, not to condemn the world, but to bring it life. As I Timothy 2:3-4 states, “God our savior [. . .] wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.” This truth is the saving work of Jesus, who came that we might have life, and have it to the full. The life He gives is bread and light; it is salvation, redemption, and the forgiveness of sins. Grounded in the cross and resurrection, this life is eternal, and brings rightness with God and reconciliation with our neighbors. Ultimately, it is embodied in the very person of Jesus Christ.

But there seems to be a problem: God has provided salvation, but it is a limited salvation, available only to those who know His Son. Acts 4:12 reads, referring to Jesus, “salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved,” and Jesus himself says, “no one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). But what of those who suffer from ignorance, never having been exposed to the Gospel—those in other religions who are desperately seeking to serve God, but without having heard of Christ, or His atonement? Are they to be condemned for never believing in a name they have never heard? “Given that becoming a Christian is necessary for salvation,” argues James F. Sennett in his essay, “Worthy of a Better God,” “it follows that if God condemns one who has never heard the Gospel, then he is punishing that person for failing to do something she didn’t have the ability to do” (243). Where is the justice in that? Where is the mercy?

Romans 1:20 addresses this challenge, but with surprising implications. It states that, since creation, God’s invisible qualities have been clearly seen through nature, leaving humanity without excuse. This verse seems to suggest that humanity has always had the ability to turn to God, but is choosing not to. Those in this passage are not condemned for ignorance, but for willfully rejecting God. As verse twenty-one continues, “For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him.” There is no evidence that those spoken of in this passage know God through the divine revelation of scripture or Christ’s incarnation. Instead, they are held accountable for the general knowledge they possess—leading to the conclusion that it must be possible to know and please God, even without hearing the name of Christ.

This appears to be in direct contradiction to the Acts 4:12 and John 14:6 passages. How are they to be reconciled? According to John Sanders, the answer is religious inclusivism, the belief that “the unevangilized are saved or lost on the basis of their commitment, or lack thereof, to the God who saves through the work of Jesus” (qtd. in Nash 104). According to inclusivists, Christ’s atoning death is necessary for salvation, but knowledge of His death is not (Nash 104). This, in many ways, is a continuation of the belief that faith, not knowledge, saves. It is meeting Christ, not any idea about Christ, which is the important thing. Jesus’ own disciples rarely understood who He was, or what He was about to do. However, they knew Him, and that was enough to impel them to leave everything, and simply follow.

C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia is filled with examples of such encounters with Christ—such encounters with Aslan. In The Magician’s Nephew, Digory and Polly are entranced with the beauty of Narnia, the new world that is being sung into existence around them. However, once they see “the Singer himself . . . [they forget] everything else” (Lewis, MN 62). In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, a transformation occurs at the very first mention of Aslan’s name:
“They say Aslan is on the move—perhaps has already landed.”
And now a very curious thing happened. None of the children knew who Aslan was any more than you do; but the moment the Beaver had spoken these words everyone felt quite different [...] At the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump in its inside. (Lewis 141)
Then, in The Horse and his Boy, when Aslan reveals himself to Hwin and Bree, two talking horses from Narnia, they do not see the connection between the stories of Aslan and the fierce and dangerous lion before them. Nonetheless, Hwin, in an act she does not recognize as faith, trembling (in fear or delight), walks up to Aslan and tells him: “You’re so beautiful. You may eat me if you like. I’d sooner be eaten by you than fed by anyone else” (Lewis, HHB 299). And Aslan, before he has revealed his identity, in a moment that recalls Christ’s “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace” (Mark 5:34), kisses Hwin and declares her his child.

In all of these instances, Aslan is adored and worshiped before he is recognized, and in most cases, before he is named. Perhaps the greatest example of this doctrine-less conversion is Shasta’s meeting with the great Lion. After walking beside an invisible Aslan for some time, Shasta asks, “Who are you?” Aslan, refusing to name himself, replies, “Myself” (Lewis, HHB 281). When the fog clears, Shasta comes face-to-face with the King for the first time, and falls at the feet of the unnamed Beauty. He knows nothing of Aslan, not the lies of Calormen, nor the truth of Narnia, but he sees the Lion, and it is enough (Lewis, HHB 282).

However, all of this is one step removed from the issue of inclusivism. In the previous examples, encounters with Christ (or Aslan) save without being fully recognized for what they are, or who they are with—but they are with Aslan. In the same way, in Saul’s climactic conversion experience, he acknowledges the speaker as Lord before he knows who is speaking—but Christ is speaking (Acts 9:5). Arguing that encounters with Christ save, even when they are not recognized as encounters with Christ, is not the same as arguing that salvation can occur without encountering Christ. Lewis does seem to take this step, however, stating elsewhere that “there are people in other religions who are being led by God’s secret influence to concentrate on those parts of their religion which are in agreement with Christianity, and who thus belong to Christ without knowing it” (qtd. in Sennett 234). This seems to imply that not all who are saved will have come face-to-face with Christ, whether recognized or not.

But perhaps this is not what Lewis means by “belong[ing] to Christ without knowing it” (qtd. in Sennett 234). For, is he really saying that salvation can occur without encountering Christ, or is he arguing for the possibility of encountering Christ, not only without realizing that we have done so, but while actually thinking He is someone else? In other words, is it possible to have come to Christ through a different religion, not because Allah and Christ are the same, but because that which we called by the name of Allah, was actually Christ? Can we know Christ by a different name? Acts 4:12 appears to answer this question with a forceful negative, reminding us that Jesus has the only name with the power to save humanity. Lewis does not necessarily disagree, but he cautions us with the reminder that names, in our fallen state, tend to be misused.

Two examples from The Chronicles of Narnia bear testimony to this fact. In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Mr. Beaver is furious to hear the White Witch call herself Queen of Narnia, but Aslan is unperturbed. He affirms that titles have indeed been stolen, but promises that “all names will soon be restored to their proper owners” (Lewis, LWW 175). Then, in The Last Battle, there occurs an even more significant misuse of names. In it, a donkey is disguised to look like Aslan, and is given the blasphemous name “Tashlan,” a mix between Tash, the demon god, and Narnia’s true Lord. However, even this false name does nothing to alter reality, and the true natures of the donkey, Tash, and Aslan all remain unchanged. As the young Calormen warrior, Emeth, argues: the existence of a false Tash does not make the real Tash any less true (Lewis, LB 756)—and it is this loyalty that sets him apart as “worthy of a better God” (Lewis, LB 728). Aslan himself declares, “if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted” (Lewis, LB 757). This is because Aslan and Tash, regardless of name, retain their identities and are unchanging.

Therefore, although Christ saves, Lewis seems to argue that he does so through His deeper name, the name that manifests His very identity and cannot be misused—“Myself” (Lewis, HHB 281) the “I AM” (Exodus 3:14). For, ultimately, it is not any word, but Christ Himself, who brings life. It is the person behind the name, not the name itself, which is infinitely significant. Aslan can respond to the White Witch’s treachery with the words, “Peace, Beaver” (Lewis, LWW 175), because her misuse of sacred titles can have no ultimate effect. She can lie, but she can never change reality. In the same way, Tashlan can be invoked, but Aslan remains himself, regardless of name. As Aslan tells Emeth, “Not because [Tash] and I are one, but because we are opposites—I take to me the services which thou has done to him” (Lewis, LB 757). The implication is that Jesus, the one and only, who declared that “no servant can serve two masters” (Luke 16:13), is so abounding in goodness that service done to Him will never be mistaken for anything else.

Of course, Lewis may be in danger of taking this concept too far. His emphasis on good motives has the danger of focusing salvation on human actions and attitudes, rather than on Christ’s all-redeeming grace. In The Screwtape Letters, Screwtape makes the statement, “[God] often makes prizes of humans who have given their lives for causes He thinks bad on the monstrously sophistical ground that the humans thought them good and were following the best they knew” (Lewis 136). And Lewis once wrote in a letter, “I think that every prayer which is sincerely made even to a false god or to a very imperfectly conceived true God, is accepted by the true God and that Christ saves many who do not think they know him” (qtd. in Sennett 235). One problem with these statements is that they assume a capacity for sincerity, and authentically good motives, in unredeemed humans. They also imply that those virtues are enough to gain God’s grace. But are we not taught that, although Christ transforms us, and through Him we can do all things, without Him we are dead? Has Lewis progressed from the possibility of encountering Jesus by a different name, to the non-necessity of encountering Him at all?

Before this question can be answered, however, we must establish the effect that encountering Christ actually has on the process of inheriting eternal life. In the previous examples of salvation in Narnia, transformation always comes when Aslan is seen. Does this mean that encounter and salvation are synonymous, and that experience of Christ is enough to bring life in itself? If so, and God’s goodness, beauty, and terror are too awesome to be resisted, then God could force Himself upon us by simply revealing His presence. However, this is not the case—a choice must still be made. In The Horse and his Boy, Prince Rabadash meets Aslan with the hate-filled words: “Demon! Demon! Demon! [. . .] I know you. You are the foul fiend of Narnia” (Lewis 307). This statement bears a strange resemblance to the demonic cry of recognition: “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!” (Mark 1:24). Rabadash stands as a reminder that Aslan’s grace must be accepted, not simply experienced. As James 2:19 states, even the demons believe—and shudder.

But if encountering Aslan is not enough to lead to salvation, the question still remains, is it necessary? The answer to this question is complex, but ultimately, I think it is affirmative. Coming to life in Christ is a perplexing and mysterious process, about which C.S. Lewis says, “A good many different theories have been held as to how it works; [but] what all Christians are agreed on is that it does work” (Mere Christianity 37). Although we may never fully understand how Christ saves, part of His work seems inextricably bound up in the individual’s response to “the central Christian belief [. . .] that Christ’s death has somehow put us right with God and given us a fresh start” (Lewis, Mere Christianity 37). In God’s infinite wisdom and mercy, Christ’s grace does not seem to be enough; we must respond to that grace. We must respond to Him. And how are we to respond, if we never encounter Him?

This is not a question of knowing Christ by the right name, or of knowing “the true stories of Aslan” (Lewis, HHB 282), but of simply knowing Him. It is about having the opportunity to look Him in the face—Him of who Emeth says, “It is better to see the Lion and die than to be the Tisroc of the world and live and not to have seen him” (Lewis, LB 756). And it is about responding to that look, with either hatred or love. For, ultimately, those seem to be the only choices. As Christ himself states, “He who is not with me is against me” (Mathew 12:30).
But if an encounter with Christ is necessary, then we are back to a slightly modified version of the question, what of those who have never heard? It now becomes, what of those who have never seen? Never seen Aslan, never looked into the eyes that are “gold that is liquid in the furnace” (Lewis, LB 756), or had him touch his tongue to their foreheads—what of them? Is this a twisted form of predestination, where Christ reveals Himself to some, and not to others, therefore selecting those who can choose to respond, and banishing the rest to the darkness? I believe C.S. Lewis answers this challenge with an emphatic no.

I John 2:23 reads: “No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.” The implication is that, to lose life, Jesus must be denied, not merely lived in ignorance of. If salvation results from a person’s belief in Christ, once encountered, then, conversely, damnation is a rejection of Christ, also once encountered. Salvation cannot occur without meeting God, but neither can damnation. Both result from a person’s response to the Messiah, and response requires encounter.

And encounter we shall have, every one of us—though not necessarily on this earth. The Bible makes it very clear that all of humanity shall stand before its Maker on the Day of Judgment. Christian or not, we shall all have our hearts laid bear and be without excuse. As Lewis says of that day, “This time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature [. . .] That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realized it before or not” (Mere Christianity 42). We shall see the glory of the Lord, and we shall respond with all that we are, and ever have been.

In the Bible, Jesus states, “Seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives” (Matthew 7:7-8). The promise is that those who search will find God—but when is never specified. In The Last Battle, Emeth meets Aslan on the other side of death, and like Shasta on the mountaintop, takes one look at the Glorious One and falls on his face in worship. And Aslan, who is “more terrible than the Flaming Mountain of Lagour, and in beauty [. . .] surpasse[s] all that is in the world even as the rose in bloom surpasses the dust of the desert” (Lewis, LB 756), responds by bending his glorious head to kiss the Calormen’s forehead. Sennett argues that the only significant difference between Shasta’s meeting with the Lion, and Emeth’s, is that the one takes place in life, and the other after death. And this is only important because it is not important at all: “Aslan’s ability to grant the grace that is the natural culmination of the journey is not limited by the confines of birth and death [. . .] In the context of the all important matter of searching after truth, the question of which side of the Stable Door Emeth stands on when he finds it strikes us as totally irrelevant—and it is. All that is relevant is what the Lion knows—that Emeth, like Shasta, was on the journey (Sennett 241).” Whether Christ is met in life or death is insignificant—the important factor is that, once seen, He is embraced.

In the end, Lewis is urging us to throw ourselves on the mercy of God. We must seek truth, respond to the beauty we see, and go forward in obedience. We can only walk on in the knowledge we have, but walk on we must. Ultimately, many of us may find ourselves in the position of Emeth, meeting the Lion with the brokenhearted confession, “I have been seeking Tash all my days.” But our God is a God of mercy, as well as justice, and Aslan’s response is not to condemn, but to declare, “Beloved [. . .] unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek” (Lewis, LB 757). Regardless of language, the I AM is Lord, and He will reward all who have honestly pursued Him. Every journey will culminate in an audience with the High King, and there shall be no excuses. He shall either be the fulfillment of everything we have lived and longed for, or the horror we have always fled. All things shall be made clear, “justice shall be mixed with mercy” (HHB 307), and God shall save all who are truly His.

Works Cited
Lewis, C.S. The Horse and his Boy. The Chronicles of Narnia. New York: HarperCollins, 2001. 205-309.
---. The Last Battle. The Chronicles of Narnia. New York: HarperCollins, 2001. 669-767.
---. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The Chronicles of Narnia. New York: HarperCollins, 2001.111-197.
---. The Magician’s Nephew. The Chronicles of Narnia. New York: HarperCollins, 2001. 11-106.
---. Mere Christianity. The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics. New York: HarperCollins, 2002. 1-118.
---. The Screwtape Letters. The Complete C.S. Lewis Signature Classics. New York: HarperCollins, 2002. 125-188.
Nash, Ronald H. Is Jesus the Only Savior? Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994.
Sennett, James F. “Worthy of a Better God: Religious Diversity and Salvation in The Chronicles of Narnia.” The Chronicles of Narnia and Philosophy: The Lion, the Witch, and the Worldview. Ed. Gregory Bassham and Jerry L. Walls. Chicago: Open Court, 2005.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Feminism and Faith

"Rather than employ a variety of names to more effectively illustrate the mystery of God, the teachers and preachers of our childhood always used the male pronoun. Their words contradicted the lessons they taught us. Religion had given God a man's name while claiming that God was beyond naming, that 'he' was a mystery." -Patricia Lynn Reilly

We're reading Reilly's text, A God Who Looks Like Me, for Feminism and Faith, a group I attend on Thursday nights. So far, I'm not a huge fan of the book. Mostly, I think, because it's a bit too "self-helpish" for my taste. And I'm not completely sure where the author is actually going with her observations. However, it is a good jumping-off place, and has led to good conversations.

The group is a slightly modified continuation of something we started in the fall of 2007. It sort of died that spring (Megan, Tammi, Kohleun and I were the only ones who showed up on a regular basis), was discontinued last fall, and then resurrected this spring. We meet at the home of a religious studies professor (Kendra Irons, who Kohleun T.A.s for), make dinner, watch the occasional movie, and have discussions.

It's a lot of fun, and really refreshing. Most of the students are sophomores, who I hadn't met before this spring, but it's a good group of interesting (and interested) people.

If you want to be bored to tears, you can read the article I wrote about the group for my journalism class (fall '07). This is a great example of why I hate this particular form of writing:
A new women studies group at George Fox University will discuss the gender of God, body image, sexist language, female sexuality, the presentation of God in art, domestic violence, identity and other related issues.

At 5 p.m. Friday, Sept. 21, Kendra Irons and Jill Lepire held the first meeting of a George Fox discussion group focused on women’s issues and faith. Twelve students attended the meeting on the outside patio of Newberg’s Coffee Cottage. Following meetings will be at 5 p.m. every Friday at Hoskins House, located at 214 River St. on the George Fox campus.

Irons, an assistant professor of religious studies at George Fox, facilitated the meeting, which Lepire, a junior double majoring in psychology and religion, organized. Lepire approached Irons about being the group’s faculty advisor in the spring of 2007. Irons said she agreed because she is passionate about helping women on the “road to feminism.”

Susan Suihkonen, a senior elementary education major, offered Hoskins House as the group’s venue. Suihkonen, who lives in Hoskins House with seven other women, said that they want their house to be a place of safety where people are accepted unconditionally. She sees this as an important environment for the women studies group because “being part of this group puts people at risk of rejection.”

The women who attended the first meeting ranged in age from sophomores to seniors, and were pursuing majors in religion, Christian ministries, writing and literature, art, international studies, elementary education, psychology and philosophy. When asked why they were at the meeting, most answered that they were becoming dissatisfied with the church and its presentation of a male God.

Katiana Hultz, a junior international studies major, said she’s excited about the group because it’s a place where she can be true to herself without offending others.

“We’re very limited in what we feel we’re allowed to think and believe,” said Hultz. “Knowing that there were other people who thought like this made me very happy.”

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Inklings, Inkblots, and one more conference . . .

Kohleun and I just heard back about our last conference. We'll both be reading at Sigma Tau Delta's Faith in the Humanities Conference, at Northwest University (near Seattle, Washington). The conference is March 19th and 20th, the two days before spring break. We're still not exactly sure how we'll be getting up there, but I think one of our professors is going to road-trip with us. Which should be a lot of fun. =)

Kohleun will be presenting a creative non-fiction piece (somewhere along the lines of her first memory, and the church), and I'll be reading a paper I wrote two years ago for my C.S. Lewis and the Bible class: "C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia, and the Issue of Religious Inclusivism." Both papers are a little . . . heretical. So things should be interesting. =)

On a side note, the class/professor I wrote my C.S. Lewis paper for is still exerting significant influence on my thinking, and the thinking of my friends. Starting this spring, a group of us has been meeting every Saturday, from 2:00-4:00 (i.e. 2:00-5:30/6:00), to share ideas, fellowship, and papers. We jokingly refer to ourselves as the Inkblots -- similar to the Inklings, but with no beer, few men, and one two-year-old child (and rather less brilliance =). We meet at the house of a married student (who took C.S. Lewis and the Bible with me) and his wife (who grew up in Africa) and we drink lots of tea. Although the idea was to form a writing group, it isn't that exactly. For one thing, we read our papers aloud, rather than handing out hard copies, so it's very hard to comment on grammar, syntax, or form. Invariably, it becomes a discussion about content -- the ideas conveyed, the imagery used, and the emotional power expressed. Since I'm already in a writing group (two of my fellow writing/lit majors and I are doing an independent study with our favorite writing prof) this is a nice change of pace. A very different focus.

In many ways, this group is a culmination of ideas we've been discussing for the last two years (since taking Roger's class). For all of us, to a greater or lesser degree, the Inklings, Lewis, imagination, fantasy, Tolkien, etc. have always been significant (at least in the abstract), but I think Roger's class inspired a deeper academic/intellectual exploration of what those authors are actually doing, and why they are successful (an exploration that leaked into Shared Praxis the next year, and reading Charles Williams' work). I'll admit that this doesn't hold true for all Inklbolt members (*cough* Kohleun *cough*), but it's the foundation that inspired the group. And the core that keeps it going.

On a further side note, favorite professors should NOT go on sabbatical during students' last year of college. It is most distressing.

(While at Fox, Roger Newell's classes have probably had the most significant influence on my spiritual journey. I've found each of them to be transformative in some subtle, but powerful, way: Bible Survey, Christian Foundations, and C.S. Lewis and the Bible).

Friday, February 27, 2009

Conferences on literature . . . here we come!

Now that I'm in my last semester of my senior year in college (we're not even going to address how scary that thought is), I have finally gotten around to submitting papers to literature conferences.

So far, I have submitted to three, and have heard back from two -- both good news. I'll be presenting some of my creative non-fiction work (potentially two essays) at the Speaking Truth to Power Conference (sponsored by the Conference on Christianity and Literature), hosted at George Fox University, April 16-18.

I also just heard that Kohleun and I have been accepted to present at the Northwest Undergraduate Conference for Literature (NUCL), hosted at the University of Portland on April 4th. I'll be reading one of my Oxford essays: "Community, Isolation, and Feminine Consciousness in Virginia Woolf's Mrs Dalloway."

Kohleun will be presenting the paper she wrote (in Oxford) on the women poets of World War I.

Now I just have to figure out what people actually DO at conferences...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Vagina Monologues

If all goes according to plan, Kohleun and I will be graduating in May with the first ever Women Studies' minors from George Fox University. While a minor may not seem that impressive, it's a huge step for the school (and something the writing/literature department has fought hard for). Hopefully, a full-fledged major will be next . . .

As part of this new minor, Kathy Heininge (one of my favorite literature professors) is teaching a Gender Theory class this semester. Kohleun and I are both taking it (it's my sixth class with Kathy), and it's one of the highlights of my week. There are only eight of us (7 girls, and 1 brave guy), and we sit around a table, in a bright sun-light room (assuming it's not raining), and talk about fascinating issues. We never have enough time to really delve into the topics (which is crazily frustrating), but it raises a lot of good questions (something that Kathy is great at -- she always says that she doesn't lecture, she questions).

Anyway. All of this to say that five of us (and Kathy) went to see the Vagina Monologues this past Friday. We went over to Kathy's for dinner first (and petted her beautiful cats and wonderful dog), and then drove down to Western Oregon University in Monmouth.

We actually got there a little late, so we missed the very beginning, but it was still a pretty compelling show. That's not to say that it was an easy, light, or uncontroversial show. There were definitely portions that I found highly problematic and very disturbing. However, I completely support the show's existence, and believe that it raises important topics that need to be voiced, discussed, and demystified. Of course, I suppose the question is, are all of those topics of equal value? Female sexuality, sexual violence against women, the vagina, orgasms . . . ? Is there a point at which the show goes too far? I don't thinks so, not really. If this were simply a show to amuse and entertain, and used sexual/vulgar references as an easy way to achieve those goals . . . then I would take issue. The Vagina Monologues, however, is a far cry from easy, or shallow, entertainment. It is meant to be thought provoking, amusing at times, and perhaps inappropriate (although, who decides what is and is not appropriate in a patriarchal society?) . . . but it is none of these things thoughtlessly or pointlessly.

Ultimately, it is a show that asks questions. Where do we center our value as women? Is it in a particular part of our anatomy? And if so, is that identification a good or a bad thing? A liberating or enslaving thing? Why are we so afraid to use the word vagina? What is it that society has told us about our vaginas, and our relationship to our vaginas? Should we be afraid of them, value them, do everything within our power to protect and hide them, treat them as something odd, shameful, painful . . . inhuman?

As a Christian, the implications go even further: how does God intend us to view our sexuality -- a sexuality that was divinely created, and declared good? Is it a sexuality that needs to be reclaimed from all of the warping connotations and practices that have been imposed upon it, associated with it, etc.? And if so, how does that reclamation happen? What is the road forward?

There is another aspect of this show which is easier, perhaps, to categorize according to morality and the heart of God. And that is the issue of sexual violence, particularly the large scale sexual violence being perpetrated in places like the Congo (here's a link to an article detailing the reality of the situation). Or the comfort women of Asia, still pleading with the Japanese government for a formal apology before the last of them die, taking their stories with them. If men have the right, in so many societies, to use women’s sexuality against them, surely women have the right to join together and discuss what their sexuality actually means.

The Vagina Monologues is not just about provoking-thought or raising discussion, it is also about protecting the unprotected and eliminating violence (the show inspired a grass-roots movement known as V-Day, dedicated to ending international violence against women and girls).

(Kohleun's Vagina Monologues T-shirt)
"VDAY: Until the Violence Stops"